I am trained as an Emotional Focused Couples Therapist or EFT and this is a revolutionary technique. It is thought to bring over 70% rate of success for couples in distress and close to 90% of the couples showing improvements.
Who it addresses?
EFT addresses individuals and couples in distress, created by events such as new stage of the relationship, moving together, having a newborn, career/job change, loss of a family member, infidelity, life transitions. The therapy helps partners voice their emotions, listen to one another and ultimately build a safe environment for each other. Whilst the relationship gets a better chance to get back in harmony and thrive.
What does the method consist of?
- It is based on Bowlby’s theory of attachment, which asserts that in distress children and adults revert to a trustworthy figure for security. If safety exists, the basic need for survival is met and development can further occur
- The method addresses partners responses to each other, often raising awareness over a negative pattern and re-educating new responses
- EFT uses specific steps and interventions to ensure clients are heard, understood, acknowledged and normalized
Being with another requires a high degree of presence and awareness, to know thyself well and be able to share that self at a deep vulnerable emotional level. The precondition of that is safe attachment, redefining the way we securely relate and respond to the need of connection.
Main source of distress
One of the ‘’dances’’ we often see in couples is when partners experience disconnect after a day at work. In trying to reach each other they fail to express the underlying emotions and attachment needs. They end up in a negative cycle, pressing each others buttons and often one chasing for understanding, support or being heard and the other one running away. Rejection triggers the pain center in our brain and the less responsive one partner the more protesting the other.
This is just one example of what can go wrong in a couple. A great piece of art by Alexander Milov illustrates this interaction even better, adult disconnect and the innate child attachment need that underlies.
Emotional connection is what keeps us alive, we are social beings and isolation is the highest punishment of all, as used in prisons. An experiment called still face is remarkable to show the distress one can go through when separation, disconnect and insecurity occur.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0
At the core of the human being there is a longing for relationships. Secure bonding not only enables physical and mental health but fosters growth and development. For further details please visit the official site at http://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/
